Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
