I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
