if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
