Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love you. Go after that dick
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
