if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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