The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
