I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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