One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
