my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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