Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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