the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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