Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
