Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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