I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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