Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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