i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish you could order shots online.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i now understand why vodka
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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