READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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