i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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