last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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