fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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