Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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