The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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