I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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