she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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