so that wasnt chicken after all
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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