He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
