dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
