He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
