Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
