the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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