I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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