i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
