Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
