someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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