apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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