Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
