my phone needs a breathalizer
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
