I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
