he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
