I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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