apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
