apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sarcasm needs its own font
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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