i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
