And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
