i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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