Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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