"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry about my life...
We need to get me chipped asap
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
