I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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