I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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