Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
