so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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