And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
