I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
