lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
