I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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