I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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