my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
