Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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