Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
