he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
