Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
