god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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