Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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