happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
