I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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