That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
