We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
