is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize