fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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