I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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