even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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