is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
FUCK WHALES
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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