"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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