at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need a beard to bite.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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