90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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