Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
