Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
