sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
