my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
